Movie Manners

Let’s talk about acceptable behavior for the movie theater.

First of all, people go to the movies so that they can see an actual movie. This means that they watch quietly and listen to the people on the screen so that when the movie is over they have a basic understanding of what happened throughout the story. That being said, going to the movies, and then talking to your friends for two hours while you are there completely defeats this purpose. As if that is not enough, talking during movies might be one of the most annoying things that any person can possibly do. This leads me to my point. I will state it very clearly for those of you who are guilty of this crime; subtlety doesn’t work with you, (like death stares and people yelling “Shut-up!”).

1) DO NOT TALK in the movie theater.

Moving right along, something has to be said about the “loud-eaters.” Now to be quite honest, loud-eaters are sick no matter where you are, but in the movies it’s enough to make you want to throw a bowling ball at someone’s head. The fact that pop-corn is a staple concession at movie theaters baffles me. Why would you want to sell a snack that makes that much noise at a place where people need to sit in silence to get the full affect? Not to mention the bag it comes in and all the noise those make. Then there are the plastic candy bags that people dig around in at five-second intervals throughout the duration of the movie…And just when you think they are finally done eating their stupid candy, they go in for the big finale (30 seconds of nothing but the crinkling of plastic wrapper as they search for the last skittle). When this happens you might find yourself unable to hear anything else as your ears focus in on this maddening sound. This is normal, as is the uncontrollable urge to scream.

2) Don’t be a “loud-eater.”

The next item on the list is something that really gets under my skin. People who sit directly in front of me when the entire room is otherwise pretty empty. Now, I think I speak for more than just myself when I say that arriving early to the movies is done to accomplish one main objective; to get a good seat. It is so very irritating to get there half an hour early, pick out the ideal location, (based on proximity to others, along with viewing distance from the screen) and as soon as you sit down a group comes and sits exactly where you have your feet propped up in front of you. Now, when the theater is crowded I will gladly put my feet down so that someone is welcome to sit in front of me. It’s a completely different situation when there are a hundred vacancies to choose from. Get a clue people!

3) ALWAYS choose a seat away from others when space permits.

On a similar note is the issue of seating when the theater is already crowded. If you are coming with several people you seriously might want to consider coming early. Like I said before, people arrive early on purpose so that they can get their seats and be done with it. These are the people who enjoy watching movies and they want to maximize the experience by sitting in a preferred location. Some people even know that they may have to use the rest room a couple of times, so they choose a seat on the isle. Whatever the reason, many people have motives behind their seat choices. Now, you movie-wreckers on the other hand, are completely different. You decide on a whim to go up to the movies because you have nothing better to do, and you bring all 7 of your best friends along, too. Of course, you aren’t early since you didn’t plan on movie night in the first place, and to your surprise there aren’t any empty rows left!?! The next thought that comes to your mind is something that you should ABSOLUTELY NEVER do.

4) NEVER ask someone to accommodate you by changing seats. (Anyone who gives up their seat to a movie-wrecker is an enabler)

This next concept also ties in with seating, as the previous two have. It is the simple concept of ‘realizing that the earth doesn’t revolve around you.’ I personally feel that if you show up after the movie has started then you don’t deserve a seat at all. Why should all the people who got there on time in anticipation of the show have to be disturbed, potentially missing important details, so you can find a seat? They shouldn’t! You are not entitled to a good seat if you show up late. People like you are the reason why theaters have the “broke-neck” seats. If you come in late the right thing to do is quietly slip in, sit in the front row, and endure your punishment. That way nobody gets upset at you and next time you’ll show up on time, if nothing else to avoid the physical pain and discomfort.

5) When late, you belong in the front row, period.

The last thing I want to talk about is very serious. It has been brought to my attention that many adults are scamming the theaters out of their money by sneaking child tickets at the electronic kiosks. This is stealing! Kind of. In fact, I have witnessed this on several occasions and even been peer pressured into doing it myself. I feel that I would never have behaved this way if it were not for the bad influence of my unlawful friends. Now that I have that off my chest I can give you the final rule.

6) Do not steal at the movies. And…do not pressure your innocent friends to steal at the movies.